So after a very lengthy and as usual deep conversation on Friday night with my favorite self-proclaimed acafan Courtney Stoker I realized that I’m not a “FaaAaan” of anything. It was a kind of depressing thought. When we talked about it further it was still depressing… I guess it depends on what your definition of fan is. But according to Courtney’s definition of someone who is very personally and emotionally involved with a particular cross section of fandom. I went home bummed out and mulling over this idea that I was lacking fanish enthusiasm for anything.

I guess I have Attention Deficit Hyperactive Fan Disorder… I just move from one fandom to the next. I’ll read/watch something and be super obssessed with it for a little while, but there’s nothing really I’m enthusiastic about enough to… become emotionally involved in. The things I’m the closest to being a fan about: Fables, Southern Vampire Mysteries (until they started to suck), Doctor Who, … That’s probably about it. This realization makes me sad. I’m a generalists, I’m a dabbler! I’m a SF/F dabbler. I dabble in video games, tabletop, movies, comics, I’m probably the closest to being an expert in books (but only Fantasy, not so knowledgeable about SF).

I suspect that the source of this dilemma is at the heart of this whole blog. The main part of Courtney’s definition of fan is wanting to participate in the community of fans and sharing your passion for a particular group of fandom. Growing up I internalized all of my passion for SF/F. I think the thing I was most passionate about was Harry Potter. I did online forum RPGs in between each book coming out, read fan fiction. I guess that was as close as I’ve gotten to being a real fan of something. But Harry Potter is over now, so I don’t really feel the desire to be a fan. Is that sad? There are just so many other things I want to read and watch. 

But when discussing it with my husband (who’s a fan of Star Wars, D&D, and food) maybe I’m too lazy to be a fan. The thought of putting so much into one franchise, just exhausts me. I would rather be putting all that effort into my own characters. So maybe it’s not so sad, I’m a SF/F enthusiast with the hopes of having my own fans one day. According to Courtney maybe I don’t currently have a fandom that I relate to at the moment.

In all, it was an interesting line of thought, still a little depressing, but with applying to grad school, trying to finish as much of my novel as possible before my trip to Seattle in, and starting an online class on PHP I just don’t have time to start being a fan of anything right now. What do you think? Am I pathetic and not really a nerd if I’m not a fan? Can they be mutually exclusive states of geekdom?